leaning into dystopia
By Rhys Feeney
lately i’ve been leaning into dystopia
crying in my baby pink jumper
against the neon lights of the karaoke bar
supermarket shopping in a surgical mask
& last night’s makeup
gently appreciating the vape pen light
that illuminates the to-do list on my hand
closing my eyes &
to think about something that makes me truly happy
just like the work training told me to
taking my antipsychotics with tetrapak lemon tea
having a late-night d&m with a chatbot
smiling along to the smiling woman on the tv
who says: it’s a great time to sell your house
teaching students how to decipher fake news
teaching students how to make masks from socks
complying when the sign at the bus stop says:
You Must Wear a Face
making a hmm sound
when 5800 cows drown during live export
writing emails at 2am in the glow of my SAD lamp
disinfecting surfaces so we can go back to
plastic plants & office bants
drinking after getting put on a 6-month waiting list
for urgent support
waking up hungover
buying hammer & sickle earrings from aliexpress
not avoiding the news but
not not avoiding the news
stocking up on water purification tablets
getting ready to bug out
breathing in carbon
carrying so many little devices
monetising my data
stepping outside for a minute
doing mindfulness while listening to the motorway
coping
coping
Rhys Feeney is a high school teacher, volunteer peer support worker and fledgeling doomsday prepper who lives in Te Whanganui-a-Tara. He writes with bad grammar about things that scare him. You can buy his debut chapbook, 'soyboy', as part of AUP New Poets 7